Bazooka Joe and Hollywood for President (Updated)

Yay for true, unstoppable creativity!!! Hollywood finally hit the eternal heights of creativity from which they cannot be thrown down anymore. They’ve done it. Seriously. Because….fasten your seatbelts…because they have decided to make a movie out of a bubblegum comic called Bazooka Joe.

Somehow I have the feeling Hollywood is testing us or seriously mentally unstable. I cannot decide which is it from the current situation but I tend to both: they’re testing us because they’re mentally unstable.

Or they have too much money they need to waste to get some loot out of Uncle Sam. Or is there something else?!?!?

Well, it doesn’t matter how I look at this scoop, it sounds like an absurd idea that is meant to fail horribly. If that story would be a comedy I’d think the writer has gone crazy and would enjoy the show tremendously.

But this is reality. Something got seriously mixed up here, guys.

Firstly, you have the story…that stems from some comic strips in a bubblegum called Bazooka Bubble Gum. Then you have Mark Hammer (a name perfectly fitting for a comedy) who once wrote a different spec script which never made it to something remotely similar to celluloid or a hard drive. And last but not least you have Michael Eisner, former head of Disney and thus accountable for the rise and fall of the animation department, who decides that this newcomer has everything to pull off a script about a bubblegum character as deep as a strip of candy, wearing an eye patch.

I herewith declare that ten years ago we were beamed into the Matrix which now is crumbling to dust, causing severe malfunctions in its logic processor.

Update: As it turns out, the logic processor seems to be still in a quite good shape. In fact, it works better than ever before. Thanks to the unlimited knowledge of the Wikipedian swarm and the internets, I (and probably hundreds of other bloggers) found out that Michael Eisner has more up in his sleeve than a bad taste of movie making. As it turns out, in 2006 he (or better: his Tornante Company) bought The Topps Company, Inc. which is producing the bubblegum and thus created the character (and has a website with too many colors and much less content). The price? As it seems around $400 Million.

In other words: Eisner isn’t making a movie, he is making a big and massive commercial, probably to get his (and his friends’) massive investments back. Since the company seems to be one of the biggest seller of sports-related trading cards (there’s no equivalent here in Germany, so sorry for my lack of knowledge), I expect some huge merchandising as soon as the first image of the movie gets spilled out.

So, sorry my beloved Matrix. You are still working quite well.

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