God fucking dammit!!!!
Why couldn’t Michael “Hero Shot” Bay for once stop with his usual craptastic shit and go for quality, heh? It’s not that this installment of the Transformers franchise is godawful as some reviewers think. In the end it’s the usual action packed stuff you love or hate, so there’s nothing wrong with it… basically, somehow.
But I have a massive problem with movies that waste their big potentials for nothing. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is such a case. This movie has a story lurking in it with such epic quality that it’s not funny anymore.
Everything in this movie basically resolves around the fact that the Transformers were on Earth aeons ago…and never really left since then. They came to harvest the sun of this solar system for reasons I didn’t really understand. But as the prime of the past ruled, no inhabited planet should ever be sacrificed for this. The Fallen tried it and therefore ended up as The Fallen. A big fight ensued and the rulers of then sacrificed themselves to lock away the key of the harvester/weapon. That’s the story as it is.
You know, I am such a sucker for mysteries. Especially mysteries surrounding our history. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Transformers 2) basically tries to add another “legend” to our history. It incorporates the Transformers into our history…well it tries, basically. But come on, Michael, why did you stop halfway? With only a slight twist, Transformers 2 could have established that the civil war between the robots could have started at that point, on Earth because of Earth.
The former prime called The Fallen could have been gone mad from the fact that his own world died because of some dirty rock in space. Optimus Prime could also have revealed that he knew the truth all along and that he sometimes also feels the rage. There could have been real drama, tension and a massively epic story.
Instead of this Michael Bay again went for the hero shots, slow motion shots, advertisings for the military, plot parts that lead to nothing and stupid stuff all around (stoned mother, mini robot humping Megan Fox’s leg, balls of steel (literally), ripping off Terminator, racist robots, robots coming from nowhere (Devastator), an old robot using a cane and so much more).
At least I can thank Transformers 2 because I once and for all learned one thing about Michael Bay. And that is that this guy is great when it’s about slow motion shots of beautiful people against beautiful vistas without any content whatsoever. (Although even there he got on my (visual) nerves because there is not one single shot in which the camera doesn’t roll, rotate, pan or doll). But when it comes to action scenes Bay is completely lost.
There was not one single action sequence where I got the feeling I knew what was going on and who was where. Everything’s a single visual trainwreck that never created any tension whatsoever. For one part the reason can be traced back to the design of the Transformers which might look cool as a still frame but causes massive problems when moving fast. The crazy thing is that I know the other, secret reason for that mess: Bay constantly changes the visual direction between shots. In one shot they go left, in the shot right after that it goes to the right, for example. Check it out!
Andbyohtheway: the final fight between Optimus Prime and The Fallen (what happened to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?) was a single letdown to me. After so much buildup and so many big action moments this was definitely not the way to end that movie. That fight was pathetic.
But you know what’s my biggest problem with this movie and franchise? The Transformers behave and fight like Sissies humans. You know, they’re aliens. And god dammit they’re big fucking robots. Why don’t they act and fight like big alien fucking robots? I waited since the first second of the first movie that they’re starting to transform during their fights. From robot to an automobile to a fighter to something completely alien. But that never happened. Instead we got humans faking as robots. They stand like humans, fight like humans, shoot like humans. Even worse, they behave like humans. The “old” robot with his cane is a pitch perfect example of that shit. Since when would a robot being able to transform and reuse other robots need a damn cane? God dammit. There’s nothing alien about them at all. Not for a second. Seriously, let some Japanese or Asian guys do the job because they really know better.
Phew, now I feel better. The funny thing is that this post reads less than a review than a rant from a frustrated Michael Bay fan. The most amazing thing about this review/rant is this: I am not hating Transformers 2 a.k.a Revenge of the Fallen. It’s just that Michael Bay wasted way too many opportunities in the story department. Moreover Bay added too much shit into the story department. And he wasn’t able to work well in the action department.
Why the heck do I not hate Transformers 2?